JOKES - SANTA BANTA

Paranoid Sardarji
The Sardarji doctor was so afraid of bacteria, that he cooked his ice-cubes before he put them in his drink.

Sardarji at a nightclub
A Sardarji was in a nightclub in New York, dancing with a beautiful woman.
He whispered into her ear, "I love you."
She smiled and whispered back,"I love you too". then he whispered, "I love you three."

The Race
A sardar sees lot of guys running on the highway. Asks a bystander as to why are the guys doing what they are doing The bystander A Marathon race is going on.
Sardar : What do they get from that?
Bystander : The winner will get a prize
Sardar : Then why are the others running?!

Santa and Banta boasting of their parents achievements
Santa : 'Have you ever heard of the Suez Canal?'
Banta : 'Yes, I have'
Santa : 'Well, my father dug it.'
Banta : 'That's nothing, have you ever heard of Dead sea?'
Santa : 'Yes, I have.'
Banta : 'Well, my father killed it.'

Sardarji proposes to a woman.
She says yes if you bring me a pair of crocodile boots.
He sets off to Africa and disappears.
Finally a search is being made, they find him hunting crocodiles and watch him killing a huge one.
He walks over the reptile, checks its legs and angrily exclaims "71st and *AGAIN* barefeet!"

Liftman
'Take me to the 10th floor,' said Banta Singh as he entered the lift of a high rise bulding. When the lift reached its destination, the liftman opened its gates and said, 'The 10th floor, beta.'
'Why did you call me beta?' demanded Banta Singh. 'I am not your son.'
'I called you beta because I brought you up,' replied the liftman.
Banta showed his plam to a palmist. He examined the lines on Banta's hand and said,'A beautiful girl will come into your life, but be very careful.'
'Why should I have to be careful?' asked Banta. 'She should be careful of her life. I drive a Redline bus!'
Mrs Kartar had bought a beautiful sweater for her husband. She sent it to her husband by parcel post along with a note. The note said: ' The buttons of the sweater are removed since they where too heavy and added to the postage . You will find them in the right hand pocket of the sweater.
Avtar and Kartar used to stay in same building. Avtar on the ground floor and Kartar on the 25th floor. One day when the lift was not working, Kartar invited Avtar for a Dinner. Avtar trudged up to 25th floor to find Kartar's flat closed from outside and had a note which read: ' How did you enjoy your dinner? '
Not to be outdone , Avtar wrote under it , ' Sorry , I could not make it.'

Why are you outstanding?
Santa Singh got his promotion and become an officer in Punjab Government. To keep up with his status, he decided to speak only in English to all his subordinates. One morning, his peon peeped through the door to see if his boss was busy. Santa Singh noticed him and shouted, 'Why are you outstanding! Please income.'
The collector asked Banta Singh for his rail ticket. Banta Singh searched his pockets but could not find it. 'Never mind,' reassured the collector, ' I will take your word that you bought your ticket.'
'That is very kind of you,' replied Banta Singh, 'but if I don't find it, I want to know where to get off.'
Santa Singh : 'Look Banta, what type of glasses they have made.
The top is closed. How can you fill lassi in it ?'
Banta Singh : 'Yes, that's funny. And even if you make a hole at the top, how will the lassi stay in the glass when the bottom is open?'
Sardarji ( to doctor ) : 'Doctor, I have a problem.'
Doctor : 'What's your problem?'
Sardarji : 'I keep forgetting things.'
Doctor : 'Since when do you have this problem?'
Sardarji : 'What problem?'
Banta owned a large factory. He issued orders that only married men would be employed. When his friend Santa asked him the reason, Banta replied, 'Married men are more obedient.'

Doo Bacchon Ke Baap
A Sardarji, very proud of his humour used to say to his wife leaving for the office: 'Good bye Char Bacchon ki Maa'. One day his wife fed up of this answered: ' Bye Bye, Doo Bacchon Ke Baap'. That ended the husband's witticisms.
Santa Singh and Banta Singh had strong reservations against the Mandal Commission's recommendations. They found an ingenious way to get round them. Santa Singh's daughter, Manjeet married Banta Singh's son, Diljit. They named their grandson Mandal Jeet.
Banta Singh went to eat in ramshackle hotel. To his surprise the waiter who came to serve him happened to be one of his classmate at school. Banta called him and said 'Aren't you ashamed of working in a seedy joint like this?'
'Not at all,' replied the classmate. 'I would be ashamed if I ate my meal here. I only work in this place.'
Mrs Kartar had bought a beautiful sweater for her husband. She sent it to her husband by parcel post along with a note. The note said: ' The buttons of the sweater are removed since they where too heavy and added to the postage . You will find them in the right hand pocket of the sweater.
Avtar and Kartar used to stay in same building. Avtar on the ground floor and Kartar on the 25th floor. One day when the lift was not working Kartar invited Avtar for a Dinner. Avtar trudged up to 25th floor to find Kartar's flat closed from outside and had a note which read : ' How did you enjoy your dinner?'
Not to be outdone, Avtar wrote under it, 'Sorry, I could not make it.'

Fine for parking here
Santa Singh was walking on the road and paused to read the graffiti on the wall.
It read "Padne waala gadha."(one who reads it is an ass.)
Santa Singh thought for an hour, erased it and wrote back,"Likhne waala gadha."(One who wrote it is an ass).
Mrs. Banta Singh was in the habit of having long conversation on the telephone, sometimes going on over an hour. One day she hung up after 25 minutes."What is the matter today? asked her husband. "Today you had less than half an hour conversation on the phone."
"I got a wrong number," replied Mrs. Banta Singh.
A Sardarji came to a newspaper office to place an advertisement announcing his father's death. "The rate is Rs. 360 per single col. cm," the clerk told him.
"Main to lut jaoonga - I 'll be ruined," exclaimed the Sardarji. "My father was 182 cms tall."
Two Sardarjis were in conversation on the beach :
Sardarji 1 :Praaji , Ise 'beach' kyo kaheete hai ?
Sardarji 2 : Tumhe nahe pata ?
Sardarji 1 : Nahe pata.
Sardarji 2 : Woh to Aasmaan aur Zameen ke beech mein hai esliye eesai beach kahete hai .

Roll up the windows
Banta was driving when there was a terrible hailstorm. Huge hailstones the size of tennis balls pelted his car leaving it full of dents.
He drove to the nearby automotive center and asked what he should do. The mechanic explained what needed to be done and that it would cost at least Rs 8,000 to repair. Banta said that was too much and asked if there was some other way to fix it.
He decided to have a little fun and said, "Well you could blow into the tail pipe real hard and they might pop back out."
Banta decided to give it a try before spending that much money. He drove home and was in the garage with his lips wrapped around the exhaust pipe when his neighbour Santa came over to visit.
"What are you doing?" asked Santa.
"I'm blowing into the tailpipe real hard to pop all these dents out of my car," explained Banta.
"Well silly, it's not going to work," replied Santa.
"Why not?" asked Banta.
"Because you've got to roll up the windows first."

Egyptian museum
Santa and Banta were looking at mummy in an Egyptian museum
Santa: Bechara! pattiyan hi pattiyan lagi hain...
Kitne chotein lagi hain isko..
Zaroor truck accident mein mara hoga...
Banta: haan, truck ka number bhi likha hai
:- A.D. 1460
Ek truck doosre truck ko kheench raha tha.
Dekh kar sardarji haskar lotpot hoke gir pade aur bole: Ek rassi ka tukda
uthane ke liye 2-2 truck

Donkey ride
Mr. and Mrs. Banta Singh's two-year-old boy was bawling away loudly. Mrs. Singh asked her husband why their son was being so difficult. "he wants to take a ride on a donkey,"replied Banta.
"Then why don't you put him on your shoulders and go for a run?"

The Sardarji doctor to his patient
"It's very important that you take this medicine exactly 30 minutes before you feel the pain."

Double trouble
There were these two Sardarji twins who looked so incredibly alike, that sometimes they borrowed money from each other without the other really knowing about it.

Well-prepared
Mrs Banta phoned Banta in the office and said: "Darling, come home early, we are going to have my mother for dinner."
"Good" replied Banta, "make sure she`s prepared well".

The act of unlocking
A customer arrived at an automobile dealership to pick up their car, They were told that the keys had been accidentally locked in it.
He went to the service department and found a mechanic, Mr Santa working feverishly to unlock the driver`s side door.
As the customer watched from the passenger`s side, he instinctively tried the door handle and discovered it was open.
"Hey," he announced to the technician, "It`s open!"
"I know," answered Santa.- "I already got that side."

Engagement ring
The Sardarni asked her lover, Santa Singh
Santa Darling, if we get engaged will you give me a ring?
Sure replied Santa What's your phone number?

Santa and Banta boasting of their parents achievements
Santa : 'Have you ever heard of the Suez Canal?'
Banta : 'Yes, I have'
Santa : 'Well, my father dug it.'
Banta : 'That's nothing, have you ever heard of Dead sea?'
Santa : 'Yes, I have.'
Banta : 'Well, my father killed it.'

Sardarji proposes to a woman.
She says yes if you bring me a pair of crocodile boots.
He sets off to Africa and disappears.
Finally a search is being made, they find him hunting crocodiles and watch him killing a huge one.
He walks over the reptile, checks its legs and angrily exclaims "71st and *AGAIN* barefeet!"

Santa Singh goes to an electronics shop
Santa Singh goes to an electronics shop to buy a TV.
Do you have color TVs?
Sure.
Give me a green one, please.

Sardarji calls Air India.
How long does it take to fly to Amritsar?
Just a sec, comes an answer.
Thank you says the Sardarji and hangs up!

The Race
A sardar sees lot of guys running on the highway. Asks a bystander as to why are the guys doing what they are doing The bystander A Marathon race is going on.
Sardar : What do they get from that?
Bystander : The winner will get a prize
Sardar : Then why are the others running?!

Santa Singh with two red ears went to his doctor.
The doctor asked him what had happened to his ears and he answered, "I was ironing a shirt and the phone rang but instead of picking up the phone I accidentally picked up the iron and stuck it to my ear.."
"Oh Dear!" the doctor exclaimed in disbelief. "But .. what happened to your other ear?"
"The scoundrel called back."